Where have you been all my life

Why, hello there. It's been prehistoric times since I last blogged. Yes, no one reads it anymore but I don't give two fishes about that. I am here, mainly to express. 

For starters, I am in Petronas University of Technology (UTP) and I'm currently doing my foundation in Electrical and Electronic Engineering. Yeah, pretty crazy huh? Me, doing engineering? Yeah, I'm starting to feel that way too. I don't even know why I'm here anymore. Somehow it all feels pointless. I feel like I don't belong there. Anyone who is anyone knows I was made to be involved in the arts but I guess I was delusional when I thought Engineering was my calling. 

I just completed my first semester and honestly, I don't feel like I wanna continue. I wanna sing, I wanna dance and I wanna act. That has been my passion probably since I was in diapers. For quite some time, broadway has been my goal. Broadway was where I wanted to be after a few years of graduating from high school. What was I thinking? I can't pull out now. Not after everything I have done to actually get here, no. 

As for everything else in my life, well you can pretty much say I'm a train wreck. I lost the love of my life and I am not able to have him back in my life. Don't get me wrong, our relationship didn't fail and our love didn't fade away. Something else tore us apart and frankly, it tore me apart. It crushed and, to be specific, killed every ounce and inch of happiness I have in my depressing soul. 

I lost my motivation, my safe place, my shoulder to cry on, my backbone, my best friend, my love and the piece to my incomplete puzzle. You may think I'm overreacting and there are plenty of guys out there and I'm just 18 and shouldn't be worried about this but you have not been in my shoes to know how I feel. 

He was the only guy I have ever truly loved and I was lucky to have him in my life. I was blessed and happy. Although we had our fights and downfalls but to be honest, I can never have that magic we had in our relationship with another person, no. Believe me, I have tried moving on but nobody can ever come close to him. He's my saviour, my knight in shining armour and my prince charming. He's everything I want and need. 

To put it simply, I'm unhappy. You might question why is he so important to me and I should focus on something else such as my studies but you don't understand. He keeps me going. Like I've mentioned earlier, he is my backbone. No one makes me feel alive more than he does. 

Conclusion, I'm miserable and I don't feel like Engineering is what I'm supposed to do anymore. With that, I end this post with a short poem :-

In life there are many joys,

They come in many packages,

Some you can see, some you can wear,

Even though they might be rough around their edges.

Some things complete your life,

It may be anything you see,

For me is that one man,

Who I was forced to set free.

He's my Superman,

When I'm Lois Lane,

Each day when I pray,

I pray we'll be together again.

Love, 

Syakirah ★

Title-less

Hello yellow dirty fellow! Yes, it has been months since I last blogged. Its already April. A new month.
Things has been on the rough side lately for me. I've been feeling lonely and depressed. Yes, I am aware that I'm still young and I still have my whole life ahead of me but time has changed and the world is advancing at full throttle and everyone has to keep up to speed.
Anyway, I'm a sensitive person and the littlest of things could hurt me. But only when I have so much hope and belief and trust in that particular thing such as love.
When it comes to love, faith is always there. Though fear does exist but its something I always ignore. Which in my case is bad as people tend to hurt me. No matter what I do or try to do or even didn't even get the chance to do, people hurt me.
I may not have the first impression everyone wants as I am definitely the type of person you'd need to get to know but tell me this, how will that happen if people shut me down before I get the chance to get to know me. This sort of thing is what makes me difficult to make friends. I'm simply afraid. Hence, the loneliness.

Enough about the emotional sappy stuff for now. I know I will have plenty of those yet to come. Trust me.
Happiness, however, is rare.
I recently joined a contemporary dance class and it reminded me how much I love dancing and how it made me happy. Who am I kidding, engineering? I know I would do well but the passion isn't there.
I love performing and it makes me feel good. Though insecurities never fails to bring me down but it doesn't matter because its what I love to do. Hopefully, an opportunity strikes. It would mean absolutely the world to me.

Unfortunately, thats all I have time for.

mucho gracias, ♥

The best songs.....

....are the one's that you've experienced.

If you haven't guessed it yet, I composed a new song. This song makes me wanna cry every time I sing it. 

Its called Fall Down.

Verse 1 

I stand here all alone and I'm looking in the mirror 

And I fall down on the ground

As I see what I have left now and everything is gone

And I'm starting to think maybe there's a lesson for me

Fall down.....

Chorus

Why would you do to me what you did to me

You're breaking me now 

You can't understand how I'm torn into pieces

Can you imagine what I'm feeling

You're hurting me now

But I won't stop reaching where I need to me

Where I need to be

It was right in front of me

Well, that's where I've gotten so far and I'm still working on the rest of it so hopefully this song means something to you guys as it does for me. 

ciao bella , ♥

Puzzles and Confusion

Hey there guys. I know it has been around two months since I blogged. Well, there's not much to report actually until recently.

STARBUCKS TAMAN TUN WILL BE OPENING ON THE 28TH OF FEBRUARY, 2012, ON A TUESDAY! 

That would be the most recent exciting readable news about whats going on with my life but before that there was a real unfortunate event that occurred also quite recently but that's a family matter and I'd rather not go public with those sort of content and basically I'd rather not go public with any content of my problems. You people will judge and it would create more problems. If you would like to know what has been bothering me lately, ask. I'll share if I want to and only if you are willing to keep an open mind. Judgments are strictly prohibited and I will not accept it. 

I'm sorry if I sound serious or whatever but I've been sad. Really sad and frankly, I don't know what can make me happy. Even my love life is confusing me. I don't know what I want anymore. All I am looking for is happiness. Just happiness from wherever necessary but until then.

Forever unhappy, ☹

Officially Missing You

As my title has clearly stated. I'm officially missing you. I don't know whether or not I've made the right decision or not but what I'm feeling now makes me think I didn't. All the things I miss:

1. Our late night phone calls
2. Our adventurous outings
3. Our spontaneous dancing
4. The laughs we shared
5. The things we saw
6. Your adorably shy-ish-with-me personality
7. Basically, you.

I miss all of you. Everything that we did together and everything we were planning to do together. I've made a lot of mistakes and I don't know if I can ever get them back. I'm stuck on a fine line between two wants and I don't know which is best for me. I'm in a mess. I love the old but I'm missing the new. I really love the old. So much but I feel like the spark is fading. The fireworks aren't there constantly when its supposed to.

I need to go away. Far away so I'll know for sure who my heart longs for the most.
Till then,

out, ★

Chocolate cream chip for Ms/Mr .......

TOO MUCH ICE, TOO LITTLE ICE ETC......... 

You think making beverages is fun and easy? Well it IS fun but it definitely isn't easy! I thought it was simple. I was wrong. Absolutely W.R.O.N.G wrong! 

As you may have realized, I started making drinks today. Whee! but just cold drinks though. Still whee! Hehe but man it was difficult! You gotta remember the ID codes, what it meant and all that jazz. But it was fun. Real fun! 

Tomorrow i'll be working the night shift which is from 5pm to 11.30pm so i'll be making drinks. Yayerz! :B I've accomplished a lot of things in TWO days okay! Which is absurdly fast. The surprising thing is that my store manager wants me to learn about being a cashier by THIS FRIDAY! No shit! Haha. Kinda nervous but well, sooner or later I'll have to do it anyway. Hehe

I guess thats all for now. 

barista out ★ 

Its a little bit funny...

...This feeling inside...

Haloo, Ignore the title. Its just a name of a song I like by Elton John called Your Song. ♥

So if you read my previous post you should already know that I started work today! *applause* :B

I did the basic-est thing today. Well yeah duhh, it's only my first day. Terer gila aku dapat buat air terus on the first day. Lol

Anyway, yeah. I learned the ways of washing the dishes and my FIRST time using a DISHWASHER! Haha, I know I'm like a kid who's never been to a theme park but hello? Who uses a dishwasher at home? Not me so bite me for being uber excited :D

Other than cleaning, I learned how to warm up food! You may think "oh letak kat microwave, picit button je. Apa susah?" but its more than that. You have to remember what the food is called, what category its in, the meaning of the short forms on the microwave screen, multitasking, the correct way to carry the thing. Its a lot than what we usually do at home. Its mildly complicated but fun! ☺

OH! and today I conducted my first COFFEE TASTING. *crowd cheers* Haha. It was a lot of fun and my store manager said this "For a first timer you're actually not bad". More or less like that. Not to brag but it IS an accomplishment you know? So I'm proud. I really am. Alhamdulillah.

So, to put it simply, my first day as a barista wasn't all bad. My colleges were friendly and I'm happy. Hopefully it stays that way, InsyaAllah. I do not want last year to repeat. Tak pasal pasal I'm like the target and victim padahal I was just doing my job. -_- 

That concludes today's post. For now. Hehe :B

out, ★

Hello, how may I help you?

STARBUCKS!

So, today is the 19th of December and its my first day of work as a barista at Ikano's Starbucks! :B To be honest, I'm kind of nervous. I don't know what to expect and all and I'm scared like I'm the only nooby one there. Haha.

Well, right now I don't really know what to blog about because my mind is currently a bit blanked out so to cut to the chase, I'm a part-time barista in training! Whee! :D

mucho gracias ★  

After so long

YES! It has been like prehistoric time since I blogged. School and life itself has been awfully hectic. I couldn't keep up. Well, now I have all the time in the world. Free at last from the terror of exams and such - for now.

A lot of things has been happening. And when I mean a lot, really means A LOT. I've been feeling like I'm losing my friends. I must honestly say that I do not have that one person that I can rely to. That one person who's always with me. That one person who will be there for me through thick and thin. That one person I can call my best friend. I haven't found that person yet and I really want to.

Days after highschool has been quite lonely for me. I know I'm at fault too but I can't help but feel like I am not wanted. Even though I'm invited but it's out of courtesy. You know? I'm the kind of person who does not like being in a place where I'm neither needed nor wanted there. I know its a bit snobbish but I do that to avoid getting myself hurt and based on my past experience, I pretty much have a complete track record of being hurt and that's only by my peers. Excluding relationship.

I am definitely a pessimistic person, no doubt about that but i can't help it. The things I'm forced to go through are excruciatingly painful and I'm sick of it! I need happiness.

I shall continue in another point in time.

Till then,
Syakirah ♪

I think, i just think...

There's a possibility, i still love you since the last time I said it. Honestly, this doesn't happen, not to me. It all started from that simple dream. It was nothing but i don't know. It left a feeling that is killing me right now. I can't stop thinking of you but I know i can't be with you, and that's killing me even more. Love kills 

Help me spare the pain, please.