HAPPINESS : The beginning of how my life started to turn around.
Let me just refresh your memory and my memory. Last year around September or so, I had to experience an awful awful break-up with a guy I was with for almost 3 years. 3 months to 3 years to be exact. We fell apart and no matter how much I tried to save it, the effort was only a one way street which basically ended the relationship. He moved on in a flash while I was in my most vulnerable state ever and life itself felt meaningless at the time. I was a wreck. Complete and utter wreck. Cried everyday and night, I had hate surrounding me and all the negative vibes I had around me didn't make it any better.
I tried moving on too so that I won't have to feel lonely. What do you expect from a girl who got used to always having someone there when she needs him and suddenly don't anymore. I was depressed and very lonely. I'm not the kind of girl who dates a lot and neither am I good at the flirting game but I'm attracted to people easily. I like them but it is very difficult for me to fall in love with them. I get bored, agitated and annoyed very easily. The spark usually lasts 3 months at the most. The guy who I was with for years (his name is Amin) was one of the exceptions.
There were a few people who approached me but I just couldn't be with them. I don't know why but then I met this guy, thinking he was the one that could fill up the hole in my depressing heart but I still knew I wasn't ready to be in a relationship but I took a risk and it ended being a risk I never should have taken. I still wasn't ready. It lasted for 3 months and in that 3 months I still could not get over Amin. Though, I did not lie whatsoever, I was honest the whole entire time. He knew I was still hurt and all and I felt really guilty for hurting him but I did give a clear warning beforehand and that is that.
After ending that relationship, I found that I felt a change. A change that I have never felt before. I was happy. I genuinely felt happy. For some odd reason, I became more positive and thankful. I started smiling more and things still didn't work out that much but it got better and better. Somehow, everything almost fell into place and I no longer feel angry and hate and depressed anymore. I have even moved on from my past and the best part is, I moved on as an individual. I did not depend on anyone which feels great. I can even look at my ex and his new girlfriend's picture without feeling hurt. Sting, maybe but not hurt. I'm okay.
Ever since I made that huge transition in life, honest to God, a lot of unexpected things happened to me. People whom I used to have a crush on suddenly contacted me out of the bloom, after joining Euphonious BOTB in college people started to notice me. (note: I was used to be invisible in the past). People started noticing my passion for music and basically, I'm not the invisible girl I used to be anymore but I'm still not very fond of attention so it doesn't really matter much.
So, I came to a conclusion that if you want good things to happen to you and have a happy life, you have to keep a positive mind and be able to fend for yourself and actually learn to be happy as an individual without relying on another person. Only then, you'll find that all of life's challenges are bearable because we all have a choice but what makes it hard is to make the positive choice available to choose because as humans, we are easily succumbed to all things negative especially when vulnerable.
It will take time to do so but trust me, I'm a living breathing proof that it is possible. And so, that is how I have become the happy girl I am today. I may have forgotten to include some things but this is basically it. Good day, lovelies. X
