Why, hello there. It's been prehistoric times since I last blogged. Yes, no one reads it anymore but I don't give two fishes about that. I am here, mainly to express.
For starters, I am in Petronas University of Technology (UTP) and I'm currently doing my foundation in Electrical and Electronic Engineering. Yeah, pretty crazy huh? Me, doing engineering? Yeah, I'm starting to feel that way too. I don't even know why I'm here anymore. Somehow it all feels pointless. I feel like I don't belong there. Anyone who is anyone knows I was made to be involved in the arts but I guess I was delusional when I thought Engineering was my calling.
I just completed my first semester and honestly, I don't feel like I wanna continue. I wanna sing, I wanna dance and I wanna act. That has been my passion probably since I was in diapers. For quite some time, broadway has been my goal. Broadway was where I wanted to be after a few years of graduating from high school. What was I thinking? I can't pull out now. Not after everything I have done to actually get here, no.
As for everything else in my life, well you can pretty much say I'm a train wreck. I lost the love of my life and I am not able to have him back in my life. Don't get me wrong, our relationship didn't fail and our love didn't fade away. Something else tore us apart and frankly, it tore me apart. It crushed and, to be specific, killed every ounce and inch of happiness I have in my depressing soul.
I lost my motivation, my safe place, my shoulder to cry on, my backbone, my best friend, my love and the piece to my incomplete puzzle. You may think I'm overreacting and there are plenty of guys out there and I'm just 18 and shouldn't be worried about this but you have not been in my shoes to know how I feel.
He was the only guy I have ever truly loved and I was lucky to have him in my life. I was blessed and happy. Although we had our fights and downfalls but to be honest, I can never have that magic we had in our relationship with another person, no. Believe me, I have tried moving on but nobody can ever come close to him. He's my saviour, my knight in shining armour and my prince charming. He's everything I want and need.
To put it simply, I'm unhappy. You might question why is he so important to me and I should focus on something else such as my studies but you don't understand. He keeps me going. Like I've mentioned earlier, he is my backbone. No one makes me feel alive more than he does.
Conclusion, I'm miserable and I don't feel like Engineering is what I'm supposed to do anymore. With that, I end this post with a short poem :-
In life there are many joys,
They come in many packages,
Some you can see, some you can wear,
Even though they might be rough around their edges.
Some things complete your life,
It may be anything you see,
For me is that one man,
Who I was forced to set free.
He's my Superman,
When I'm Lois Lane,
Each day when I pray,
I pray we'll be together again.
Love,
Syakirah ★
