Maigod!

Huisshhhhh! Lamerw nyerr takk bloggzzz. Titew dhhh bz dgnz tumblrz jerrrw. HAHAHAHA EEE MAIGOSSHHH SO REMPIT WAAAN! EE


Okayy. so the latest news aa? Exam habis lah wey! WOOHOO! Ohh tak, ada sivik ngn PJ, susah ohh, HAHA ELEH. 
Oh oh oh! This wednesday i'll be working bitches! Me, Amin, Haider, Fareena. sume company sama. FOURSKIN BABY! EE TAK SABARNYA! All of us buat walk-in interview and terus dapat kerja. Macam tu je. Petik jari je beb! HAHA EEE. okaay I know i'm overly hyper now sbb well, I have a lot of reasons to be. HEE


1. Exam habis(excluding 2 exam bangang tu)
2. Kerja
3. Dah register licence :B
4. Dah betulkan hard disk
5. Tengah pikir. HAHA


Okay tu je so far, So konklusinya tuan tuan dan puan puan, 
Saya gembira, 

★

How long?

Oh my gosh, how long has it been since i blogged? damn. Haha. Okayy.
Latest greatest? Nothing great about the latests. 
Exams are coming up. -__- That pretty much sucks. Wanna know what sucks even more?
Paramore is coming, my ultimate favourite band ever in the whole wide world is COMING! And I don't even know if I can go. Shitface. 


I've known Paramore even before they were known on the radio. I absolutely love their first album which is not riot! for those who don't know. 
I just need to go and watch them perform. I have to! its a must! I wanna be a billionaire, SOOO FREAKING BAD! 


Hmm, other than that sad dilemma, Everything is going pretty much alright. There has been ups and downs fo'sho so that can't be avoided. All in all, just aaitee. 

★

Eid! :D

SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI EVERYBODY! ♥

I would also like to ask for forgiveness to those whom i've wronged in the past. Whether it was intentional or accidental, i apologize.

Everybody makes mistakes and its time to start fresh again.

I've a good feeling and I feel so excited :)

Again, selamat hari raya, maaf zahir dan batin ♥

★

Formspringg

HAHA, i just read all my haters post in formspring again. Daamnnn, that was a good laughh,

I guess they really just didn't have a life then. Haha, what a pity.
Funny stuff man, funny stuff. hahaha

It all was fun

Well, I can say I enjoyed last night (:


I had a buka puasa thingy at my house with all my family, aunts, neighbour cousins and uncles. I didn't eat much, i don't know why. 


Why I enjoyed last night? I got to spend time with my cousins, Nana and Najwa. It's been like totally ages since I actually hanged out with them. I really miss them like crazy! The three of us went to rasta. First we hanged out with entah sape entah I don't know and after that we joined our other cousin Afiqah at coffee hut. hehe


Then I saw Haider. Said hi and all and he called and asked if he could join us. So he did. We all played Taiti(I don't know the spelling) haha. After that, amin called and told me he was going to Damansara area so I invited him over.


He came with his brother, Iqbal(Soooooo handsome!) and his friends. They all lepak-ed and after a while, I joined them. Then after that I went home. I feel good last night (:

★

p/s; Damn, it's been so long since I've been to rasta. Especially with my cousins. I kinda miss going there with them and playing cards all night long. Those were the days. ♥

Maybe I need to reevaluate things

Why is it so hard to find people who won't stab you in the back? Or spread RUMORS? Or LIE? Or just simply fucking TWO-FACED? 


Maan, i've tried so hard being nice to everybody and pleasing everybody, doing whatever the hell I can to help them when they need me. Practically tried every fucking thing i fucking can to fucking give them what they fucking want! Yet, still, what I got? Rumors spreaders, backstabbers, liars, two-facers. Damn, its a hard knock life.


To think, the person who I thought knew me and how i was and acted said those load of bullcraps. 
No wonder I have issues with trust nowadays.
Sorry for the certain vulgarity in my language but damn you have no idea how I feel right now.
But note, I'm not referring to alotta humans, just a few. 

★

p/s; My boyfriend and I have never done whatever the hell you guys think we have. For those who were dumb enough to actually think that, well, go fuck yourself. Reti haa nak tanya. Suka hati je nak sebarkan cerita bongok. I don't take crap. You wanna make up stories? Do it about yourself. Leave mine out of the picture, please.

I'm right where i belong :)

YAY! Happy days are here again! :D

I've reconnected with most of my friends which i must plead guilty, abandoned, but now i'm back! There are still a few that i haven't gotten in touch with but i promise i will, once i see them. 

I just feel so good and i wouldn't wanna jinx anything but things has been going quite well, i feel happier and things just seems to be falling into place. I just feel sooo good! No wonder i love wednesdays. hehe :D

I love you girls! You guys know who you are. ♥ ♥

Thats for my friends, as for my boyfriend, i am happy and proud to say that we're already in our 7th month and yes, we're still going strong apart from the misunderstandings, arguments, fights and all that load of shit, we're still together till this day and i cant ever be more happier. 

We've grown a lot stronger together. Both of us realize things we never would have without each other. I'm so happy dear boyfriend is trying to understand me more and things are just getting better in general. Hopefully it'll continue. (: I love you sooo much Muhammad al-Amin bin Zainal Abidin ♥

Was bored, this is the result

YES MAN I KNOW I'M VAIN

YEAH SO WHAT? 

What am I now? 
I lost friends
I lost focus
I lost trust
I lost myself


I wanna be happy without losing those I love.
But I can't.
Now I know I have to choose
I know what decision that must be made
I just don't have the heart to make the decision
Love is holding me back.
I wanna keep it and still be happy.
I don't want to let go.

★

And when my eyes are closed i see you for what you truly are, which is uglayy!

HAHAHA! 

I know, random title, I took it from the movie 'she's the man'. Hehe, Okay, so i think it has been a while since i actually updated fully about me and my life. Not that anyone actually reads my blog posts. Its just self expression. Hehe.

Currently

Where am I?

I am in the car otw to my kampung in Johor Bahru. Me visiting grandmama and going to singapore! Hehe, I do miss my kampung. Usually i only go there only for raya but then this weekend is a bit of an exception. I'm currently listening to a debate between my dad and my sister about buying an iPad for my sister's fiance. Funny funny. She wants to get a loan from my dad! 

What am I doing?

I am onlining in the car. I am so bored and I have a massive period pain and gosh its killing me softly. Me hurting :(

How's school?

School is normal. Its the same as always, I'm getting super super lazy to do my math and add maths work. Its so unusual for me to be that way. For add maths is not really much difference, though there is but not much. HAHA. But for math? I love math! but I haven't been completing my work. The most complete book amongst the subjects, I would have to say physics and chemistry. For physics, its impossible to not get your work done. Especially having a teacher like Cik Liang. You WILL complete your work. haha

Friends?

Friends are just great. I'm kinda missing some friend moments. Nowadays, I haven't been getting any texts from them. I shall not mention any names. They know who they are. I'm sorry if you feel offended. I just sometimes feel left out which makes me don't know how to act around them anymore. Lately i've  been flying solo, either that or with my boyfriend. But i don't really mind though. I gives me time to think about my wants and needs and makes me realize about the things that needs to be done to improve myself for the better for my future. 

Boyfriend?

Everything is going great with him. I've had a couple of unforgettable moments with him. Kinda mostly the things i've always dream of getting  and I finally got it. And i am so happy and thankful that I got to spend those moments with him and no one else. Yeah people always say that highschool love never lasts but my mind doesn't think that way. I believe that if two people are meant to be together, it doesn't matter how early they start. Probably you all are thinking, 'Oh bullshit!' but no, you might wanna bear in mind that it could be possible. Rare but it is definitely possible. I admit, I am a sucker for love and I love how it makes me feel. If my relationship can last, then I'll make sure I'll put in as much effort as I possibly can to make it last a lifetime. All because of love. Never play with love cause it makes people do crazy things. Thats how powerful it is.

Okay, I don't know what to type anymore. haha! I guess thats probably it i guess. hehe. mucho gracias(me dunno how to spell) HAHA

★

It's the 7th!

To cut to the chase, yesterday was the best day i've ever had in my entire life of having a boyfriend. hehehe :D

I'll give you the higlights of the day. hehe.

All in all, yesterday was the best anniversary a girl could ask for. (': ♥♥

HAPPY 7TH MONTH ANNIVERSARY BABY!

★

Question mark

I think.

★

This or that?

Say 'yes'? 

Or confess

Say 'no'?

Or act like you don't know

Be cool?

Or feel like a fool

Act fine?

Or rewind

Believe?

Or be deceived

Give up?

Or stay strong

Play along?

Or move on.

★

I don't know why, i just couldn't cry.

More than words

What the hell is wrong with me? I miss him. 

I miss him more than i could say. Literally.

I don't know what else i can do.

I miss being pretty betty and tupai tanah )':

Emotionless or too emotional?

What am I feeling?

I am just simply confused

Truth be told,

I can't ever be more honest.

 Whats mine is yours pal! :D

HEY! THATS MINE! 

L.O.V.E

This will be me one day.

IF you push your luck too far that is. (:

Look outside, its already light and the sun ran away with the night.

Overview

People in this world is definitely more interested judging and making up stories about other people. No matter how old you get, majority would judge. ALL THE TIME. They don't just judge on looks. They judge on every aspects of a person From top to bottom. From out to in.


What do you get from doing all of this? Self-satisfaction? Probably. You judge other people as if you have no imperfections. Everyone isn't perfect. Deal with it. You're so insecure about your own life and haves, you'd tear anyone down just so you can feel good about yourself. You'd even betray and backstab your best mate just to feel superior.


That is just sad. Don't you think you're old enough and wise enough to think? Use your common sense. You judge people, people are just gonna do the same. I am really tired of the human species who's selfish, overly proud of themselves, boastful, heartless and just simply don't care of other people's feelings. 


I am not pointing this out to anyone in particular but if you feel as if it fits you right, then please just change.
I'm not saying i don't do anything i just said or i'm perfect, no. I know i am not perfect. I know i still do bad things. I am not the nicest person on earth, i admit but i'm changing. I'm trying to change because i'm not just all talk and no action. I think i'm old enough to know what i'm supposed to do although i know i might occasionally get side-tracked due to unstable emotions but i'm doing something about it. You should too.

★

A little piece of mind

I have been feeling really angry these past few days. There is always something bugging me and pissing me off. Testing my patience much? Yeah I got patience. But once you cross the line, you're done for. Note, this is for a couple of females. Both in different situations.

One, did you have to what you did in front of me purposely to make me angry? Don't think for one second I don't know your intentions. I may be blurr, sometimes nooby and lurus bendul but I know for a fact that I am not stupid. I've got brains and common sense and to be more clear, I'VE GOT EYES! I saw what you did with my two eyeballs. Can't you respect boundaries and limits? You've got brains too, don't you? If you're still a bit blurr, then let me ask you this question and you answer me. Would you like it if I did the exact same thing to you purposely knowing that you're watching? You're more possessive than I am in that part and you know it so I can bet 110% you'd be even more furious than I am so get your reality checked. Respect boundaries. You're all words but no actions. If you don't like certain things that people would do that makes you uncomfortable, don't ever do the same. You can talk the talk. Everyone knows that. But can you walk the walk? I haven't seen that yet.

Two, don't think you're so perfect! Just because you're getting married, it doesn't make you the boss of everything. Especially the boss of my life. Yes, I know I have to respect you as you're older than me but age is just a number.  I deserve as much respect from you too. Just because i'm younger and i'm not allowed to talk back at you, It doesn't give you the right to take advantage of that. I'm only human. Yes, I do talk back at you but note, only if I know I'm not in fault. I have the right to voice out my opinion and thoughts and you should acknowledge it. If you raise your voice at me, I'll do the same. If you're rude to me, i'll be rude back. You always say i'm disrespectful and all but come on, you need to give respect to get it. I should have said this to you a long time ago. Telling you this now is probably useless. I've always been the one who has to change in this family but why does only have to me? Why can't you change? I asked you before, why can't you change? and you replied, "i've tried" So? that is not an excuse. You never let me used that excuse so why are you an exception? you're bullshit you know that? 

I'm not talking to you. I'm not layaning you. I'm tired of your crap. 

☭

chinese eye test! :O

Chinese eye test

THIS IS BRILLIANT!!! 



If you cannot decipher anything, then try pulling
the corner of your eyes as if you were Chinese. (buat mata sepet)
It works

Did you get it? hahaha! style ohh. i got this email from my mum. Damn cool! Heee :D

★

Maybe I need some rehab
Or maybe just need some sleep
I got a sick obsession
I'm seein it in my dreams
I'm lookin down every alley
I'm makin those desperate calls
I'm stayin up all night hopin hitin my head against the wall

What you got boy, is hard to find
I think about it all the time
Im all strung out my heart is fried
I just cant get you off my mind!

Because your love your love your love is my drug
Your love your love your love
Your love your love your love is my drug
Your love your love your love

Wont listen to any advice
Mommas tellin me I should think twice
But look into my own devices, im addicted its a crisis
My friends think ive gone crazy
My judgments gettin kinda hazy
My steeze is gonna be affected if I keep it up like a love sick crack head

What you got boy, is hard to find
I think about it all the time
Im all strung out my heart is fried
I just cant get you off my mind!

Because your love your love your love is my drug
Your love your love your love
Your love your love your love is my drug
Your love your love your love

I dont care what people say
The rush is worth the price I pay
I get so high when your with me
But crash and crave you when you leave

Hey, so I got a question
Do you wanna have a slumber party in my basement?
Do I make your heart beat like an 808 drum
Is my love your drug? your drug?
Huh, your drug?
Huh, your drug?
Is my love your drug?

Because your love your love your love is my drug
Your love your love your love
Your love your love your love is my drug
Your love your love your love

Because your love your love your love is my drug
Your love your love your love
Your love your love your love is my drug
Your love your love your love

Hey, heyy, sooo
You love, your love your love, is my drug
(She says) I like your beard

Your Love Is My Drug - Ke$ha

★ 

16th of the 6th

Look outside

It's already light and the stars ran away with the night

Things we're said, words that we'll try forget,

it's so hard to admit I know we've made mistakes

I see through all the tears but that's what got us here

If love is an ocean wide

We'll swim in the tears we cry

They'll see us through to the other side

We're gonna make it

When love is a raging sea

You can hold on to me

We'll find a way tonight

Love is an ocean wide

I'll stay right here

It's where I'll always belong

Tied with your arms

Days like this, I wish the sun wouldn't set

I don't want to forget

What made us feel this way

You see through all my fears

And that's what got us here

If love is an ocean wide

We'll swim in the tears we cry

They'll see us through to the other side

We're gonna make it

When love is a raging sea

You can hold on to me

We'll find a way tonight

Love is an ocean wide

Love is an ocean wide enough to forget 

Even when we think we can't 

*Ocean Wide - The Afters

★

A little bit uneasy?

It takes a real person who understands me to see what I truly feel. They could see through my eyes and read the thoughts i'm thinking. Though some might not be accurate, but they'll get the rough idea of it.



I slept over at Myn's house yesterday and I slept at 6 and woke up at 10. I am so tired but I had fun though. Hanging out with the girls. Yeah, I do miss loverboy like crazy but I can't do anything. So i'll just have to wait till Wednesday. Gosh! I'm so excited. hehe :D


Actually, I don't know what to blog. I do have a topic but I know people might catch on what I'm trying to say and some might even misunderstand and terasa. I'm bothered you know? But whatever. Let it be. Haihhh.

★

Breakeven (Falling to pieces)

WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU LEMON

MAKE LEMONADE.

you think its that easy? no it isn't

What am i gonna do, when the best part of me was always you and

What am i supposed to say when i'm all choked up that you're okay yeah

I'm falling to pieces

I'm falling to pieces

You got his heart and my heart and none of the pain

You took the suitcase and i took the blame 

but i'm trying to make sense of what little remains

Oh but you left me with no love,

No love to my name

I'm still alive but i'm barely breathing,

Just praying to a god that I don't believe it,

Cause i got time while he got freedom

Cause when a heart breaks no it dont break even

I AM JUST NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR ANYBODY IN THIS WORLD!

no matter what i do. How nice i am to people. How hard i try on things. Nothing makes me good enough. Nobody is ever satisfied with what i am and who i am. I'm sorry i'm not what you want me to be. I'm sorry i'm not little miss perfect. But if you love me, you should know and learn to accept me for who i am. What? you want me to be what you want me to be? So meaning, you'll love me just because i am what you ask me to be? BULLSHIT LAH! I won't change for anyone but me. People can advise me to be a better person but its my choice isn't it? I'm not gonna change for a person. I'll only change for me. 

Why can't I be accepted? 

I know i am not perfect. 

But why can you accept other people except for me?

Why am i an exception in this case?

I am only human.

I feel like i'm trash. 

Useless trash.

I'm sorry i'm not good enough for anybody in this world. 

Sue me.

out, ★

A reason

Human 1 : 

Give me one good reason to not be happy right now. I know you cant! :p

Human 2 : 

Yes I can

Human 1 :

Phfft, prove it

Human 2 : 

Maybe I will

Human 1 : 

Then prove it!

Human 2 :

Oh shit I forgot

Human 1 : 

Excuses! 

*argue like losers*

Human 3 : 

Okay I'll give you the reasons! I'll give you two!

one, exams aren't over yet

two, both of you.

Now shut it, i'm tryna study.

Human 1 and 2 :

okay.

Sorry, I know its not funny and it doesn't make sense but I was bored. HAHA

I miss :

♥ My childhood that I don't really remember

♥ My grandma, Tok Mak

♥ My cousins at Johor

♥ Primary school

 ♥ Dancing

♥ Performing at charity events

♥ Performing in general

♥ Tap dancing

♥ Uncle Yai )':

♥ Hanging out with my sisters

♥ Flora damansara
♥ Songwriting

♥ You

Today I feel : 
- Touched
- Awwed
- Tired
- Hungry
- Dizzy
- Sneezy
- Sleepy
- Hungry
- Loved
- Cared


etc......

EXAMINATION

why must you exist?

So far,

BM = Fail

Accounts = Fail

Physics = Fail

Chemistry = Fail

Add Maths = Double Fail!

And the rest? Well, i'm guessing also Fail! 

I'm such a failure. I study my effing arse off but yet, I'm still a failure. Damnit! -_-

Whoaaa, How long has it been since i blogged? Shizzz, a long time maan. Okayy, whats happening so far. Hmm, Practically nothing new. Nah, i'm lying. Haha. Obviously there are new things but most of them I just have to keep it to myself. Ngehee :p Btw, don't ask! I won't say. Haha. 


Everything has been going quite well. I understand the current add maths topic. hehe. I feel smart but I really hate the first 3 chapters of it. I understand nothing. haha. I think i'm gonna do some exercise after this. I really need to improve myself for the better. 


Exams are in 2 weeks. Fcckkk. The worst part is, the paper will be in FULL FORMAT. Like you know, SPM format so i'll confirm fail! Especially sejarah. Oh gosh, and also Add Maths. aiyayai. I've to study. I think i'm gonna start going to the library. Anyone wants to tag along aswell, by all means, please do. Hehe. 


Friends are great. Last week on wednesday, a bunch of us hanged out at Fareena's house and all of us went to the park to play and all. hehe. I had a blast. Then when we all went back to Far's place, we all sang while Danial played the guitar. It was definitely an 'AWWWW' moment. heee :D I felt like we're all a family living in the same house. Heee :D


Boyfriend? well, what else can I say. So far so great. hehe. He's just the best. No one can make me feel the way I do other than him. He is so far the only one who makes me feel extra love. I'm not being perasan but I really feel like he really does love me. I know he isn't joking around or fooling around this time and I'm thankful. Yes, when we fight is the worst thing ever but that's how relationships are.We're bound to fight. But we gotta make it through together (: hee 


Kay i think thats the only update of my life so far. haha. Skaadusshh

out, ★