When you rise, you will fall.

I have a lot of things on my mind that I wish was easy to express without offending anybody. I am a lot of things. I do everything but I'm never actually good enough at one thing for me to actually be proud of. I don't have that one special talent that I excel in so most of the time, I end up feeling worthless and useless and basically awful about myself because I'm not good enough in anything or good enough for anyone.

Poor self confidence is what I'm suffering. I don't believe that I can be good at something ever. I psych myself out. Nobody needs to do that to me cause I've already done it for them but since they don't know that, I still get psyched by others which results in double the stress.

Sometimes I wanna just sit down and be quiet and actually be my true true self but what would that do? I'm not usually bubbly or talkative or what not. I do that mostly to avoid awkward situations but if I had a choice, I'd probably shut people down because I don't wanna get hurt. I would just be in my own world but then, humans being humans, will say that I'm arrogant and anti-social and I don't like that either. I mean yes, people say what they wanna say and you're not supposed to care but newsflash, it matters. What people think of you or say about you matters. I myself want to not care but having having people talk nice things and giving moral support is much better than having people talk bad and bring you down.

These things play a huge role in life, at least in mine. Considering I've always been the person who has always had trouble keeping friends. I don't know why. Everything I do just never seems to be right. I wouldn't even consider the fact that they're jealous of me because I have nothing worth being jealous of but like I said, I have my flaws. My imperfections are all over the place.

I already know I'm imperfect. I don't need anyone else to contribute to that and make me feel worse about myself. If you have nothing nice to say, don't say it at all. I'm not gonna deny that constructive criticism is a good thing but all I actually need (which I never really get) is a boost. I don't wanna feel completely worthless. I can handle criticisms but I'm only human. I do have a heart. I'm not heartless yet. Nobody can ever see what's beyond my surface. What and who I really am has always been kept discretely.

No one knows me and no one ever will.